The Dance of Darkness

“The wound is the place where the light enters you” – Rumi

I was told recently that I need to start a meditation class. Those were the only instructions. Obviously, I said to myself, he can’t see this gaping hole in me that can’t possibly be of any service to anyone. But then I hear myself say yes and I went home and sent out an invitation: “Join a Meditation and Prayer Circle”. The rascal self-limiting voice is ever present chiming in that I must be crazy…if only THEY knew how much I struggle for peace. How much I battle to stay present and how often I get lost in the monkey mind. I am quite skilled at hiding the side that is constantly pushing, pushing PUSHING to do more, more, MORE. I allow that whip to hover over me because if I am not constantly striving then who am I?  The shadow sides whisper from the abyss of worthlessness. It’s all just an illusion that I am aware of but I allow the emotional ties of these whispers to trigger me.

Ah, but there is also an ever-present observer and far wiser presence. Larger then all of these other elements. She is the moon, the earth, the mountains, the air. The one that has been here before and will remain when my body has completed this lifetime. She calls me softly through the rustle of leaves when I walk. She peaks through to me along the rays of the sun.  She is the one that sings forth when I open my throat chakra and the one that moves my body to the primal pulse of life. She is the one that fills my heart whenever I can let up and sit still. I haven’t quite let her in this morning but she is waiting patiently to fill that deep tone of longing. To meet me where I need to be met: That place that no other outside source can ever fill: No person, no material thing, no position, no food, no drug, no degree, no job, no talent, and no man can ever fill.

and so with every breath, today I will stop running and sit in relation with the shadow sides as well as the divine light. Even when I feel empty, there is no need to run. That hollow ache won’t kill me. I was an addict that wound up on the streets and faced far worse things then sitting here looking into my own disillusionment. This is the intent of my meditation today: To stop and face this Maya of emptiness. This is the place where light can enter. Walking on the spiritual path isn’t always filled with bliss, light and free love. I cherish those times where I allow that space to envelop me but there are those moments where I just have to walk in a bit of darkness, blindly trusting in where my feet take me.

When I bump into some of you on this same path, I hope that our embrace will convey my sense of gratitude for your own courage in walking forward.

In gratitude,  Lisa



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